ABF Freight U-Pack

So last time we went with Packrat and this time we tried U-Pack. It's a bit different. Whereas Packrat was a small pod container this time we got a 26 foot trailer with a ramp.

It was dropped off around 8 pm on Friday. Saturday I loaded things we already had packed in our garage and our attic. On Sunday I loaded up things from up stairs, the kitchen and our living room. Monday I finished cleaning out the crawl space attic. Tuesday was a quick break from packing and Wednesday my Mom's room and the shed got packed up into the truck. I packed it tight and all that stuff took up 13.5 feet. Now with ABF you pay by the space you use (the rest of the truck is used for commercial shipping). Since we had the space though we decided to use it. I bought two pieces of 4x8 plywood and bungee corded it to the walls to hold the first 13.5 feet of items together. Then I threw in some patio furniture:

Now I was ready for the last few pieces. I put in Meghan's bike, my Mom's bike and my bike. Then added our dining room table. Then I (by "I" I mean a wonderful friend and I) added a giant heavy window seat. Trying to get it downstairs was an adventure and probably something I should not have done alone. When I told my Mom I got it down she was surprised. I asked her how the workmen got it upstairs. She told me they built it up there :-)  Yeesh.

When I finally finished there wasn't an inch to spare.

It was pretty interesting going through my attic and finding things I hadn't seen in years but as soon as I saw them so many memories filled my mind. We had a lot of really great finds over the weekend one was animated Teddy Ruxpin and Grubby. Another was the Nightmare Before Christmas action figure sets. I also got my American girl (Molly) and Meghan's (Kirsten). I found my Mom's old cribbage board and I look forward to playing many games of cribbage (perhaps my favorite card game after hearts). I found some dinosaurs that Meg and I played with for hours upon hours as kids as well as scores of mcdonald's happy meal toys from the mid 80 and on. It is definitely going to be fun to unpack and add these wonderful memories to my collections.

Sympathy to the families of all those effected in Kenya

Yesterday in Kenya masked gun men stormed a mall and killed 39 people and injured over 150. According to the last story I saw they are holding an unknown amount of hostages. My prayers and sympathy go out to all those effected. I hope the injured recover quickly and I pray that the remaining hostages are freed soon and without injury.




I saw this news story on several sites on the internet followed by scores of comments about how it was Obama's fault, or it was gun activists fault, or we should end all religion and so on . . . . What I hardly ever saw was a comment that wished any kind of comfort or sympathy to the victims and their families. What happened to us? In the movie Love Actually Hugh Grant narrates "When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love."Now granted this is not the same as what I am seeing. I am not seeing messages from the victims and their family members. No, I am seeing messages from people around the world and we are all so caught up in our anger and our hate that not a minute can be sparred for sympathy? And these comments of hate and anger aren't driven by the suffering being caused in this event. They aren't hate and anger because 39 people have been killed, 150 injured and an unknown amount are being held hostage. No this is hate and anger because they hate. If you were angry because of the atrocity it would at least be understandable. But the commentators don't care about the victims. They just see a chance to trumpet their causes and agendas. And that is sad.

Applying psychology

A few theories from my psychology education that I like to keep in mind when dealing with people:

Attribution Bias and Group Identity


Humans experience the world subjectively. Our family, upbringing, education, experiences and current situational factors all play into how we interpret events. Keeping that in mind when I was studying attribution theories there were two that stuck out in my mind.

1. Fundamental Attribution Error- This is our tendency to under value situational factors and over value dispositional factors when judging the actions of others. With others we will be more likely to down play the situation and assume behavior has to do with personality. For example if you see someone trip on a step you may be inclined to think they are clumsy. Whereas if you tripped on a step you would take into account the odd height of the steps.

2. Hostile Attribution Error- This is a tendency to interpret ambiguous actions as having a hostile intent. For example someone you were talking to walks away and then says something under their breath some would assume it was negative towards them. 

Also another important theory to keep in mind is in-group identification. Many tests and studies have shown that people identify and prefer things/people that are similar to them. There was someone who I had known for a few months and upon learning I was a republican (despite the fact we had always been friendly to each other) all of a sudden assumed I wouldn't want to go places or do things because of my now known political affiliation.

I find that it is best to keep these ideas in mind when dealing with people. It is so easy to assume something about people that you don't really know. Sure I would like to say I never make judgements and I don't have any biases but I know that isn't true. Some one comes into the store and finds out they need to wait to see an associate. They insist they need to be at work soon they are only on break. I walk away thinking they should have planned better. I assume that they were unthinking in reality I don't know what is going on in their life maybe this was their only chance. I assume it is due to disposition without taking any situational factors into account.

As for hostile attribution theory I seem to run into it a lot of work. Customers when I call someone assume it iss not that I don't know it is that I don't want to help them. But perhaps my favorite example of hostile attribution theory happened when I was younger working at Toys R' Us. A customer had stopped Meg and asked her for a toy. Meg had gone into the back to see if there was more in the back since the shelf was empty. A few minutes after she walked off I came by where the woman was and asked if she needed help. She responded that I was supposed to already be helping her. I said that I have a twin sister working at the store and she is probably looking for the woman's toy and then I started to walk off to the next customer. She yelled at me that I was supposed to be helping her and that she knew I was lying just so that I wouldn't have to help her. A bit in shock I insisted that I did have a twin and I would go find her. Once in the back I found Meg and one of my managers and explained what had happened. Meg had the toy and the manager insisted that we both go out together. We did. Another woman who had waited there, I assume to see what happened, mouth fell to the floor and she whispered "They are twins." The original customer left with her toy and didn't say a word.

I find myself doing this. Someone is looking at me or approaches to close to me or walks away and mutters something. I definitely feel myself becoming defensive.

In a day when people seem to be getting ruder and ruder to each other it helps me to keep my own biases in mind and the possible biases of others. I think a little more understanding might go a long way.

I Remember

I was sitting in a purple bean bag chair in the common section of my dorm. Humanities had ended and I had a break before my next class began. It was a beautiful Tuesday and only the second day of my sophomore year. The bean bag chair wasn't mine but it was comfortable and very inviting. I had been sitting there for only a few minutes when one of the juniors burst through the door. She had just spoken to her father. Someone had flown two planes into the World Trade Center towers. I jumped up and ran to my room. My Mom worked in Manhattan, close to the towers but I wasn't certain how close. I had a subway map in my room, of course I did. I was in NH, 4 hours away from my home, and kept reminders of NY everywhere. I found her subway stop and then I found the World Trade Center, two subway stops which meant she was 6-8 blocks away from the towers. I took out my cell phone and tried every number in my phone book.

"All circuits are busy." was the message I got over and over again.

I dropped my phone and ran across campus to the library where Meghan would be sitting and waiting for class to start. I entered the classroom and she wasn't there. Someone had popped into the room and announced that NYC had been bombed and then left the room. She was in the bathroom. I found her and told her that planes had been flown into the towers and that I had tried every number I could think of and couldn't get through. We went back to the classroom and sat down. I don't know why. Well . . .. I do know why. We sat down because that was where we were supposed to be and having tried to call every number I could think of and being unable to get through there was nothing else we could do. Our teacher had come in and the class was starting and we sat down.

I don't remember the class. I have been told by a number of my classmates that this was one of our teacher's best classes and I regret that I can't remember it. My mind was somewhere else that I can't remember. I was wondering where my Mom was, trying to think if there was another number I could call, wondering why all circuits were busy, wondering where my Dad was, and a whole host of other thoughts. I was probably wondering why? I'm certain I was wondering why. I was thinking about the fact that those were our towers. They were the twin towers and we were twins. The one with the antenna was mine because I was older (and at various points while growing up I was taller). The other one was Meghan's.

The only thing I remember from the class is that at the end my teacher offered me her phone. I said no because I didn't have phone numbers memorized, they were saved in my phone. I then left the classroom because for some reason I had dropped my phone in my room and now didn't have it with me to try and call. Meghan was behind me a few feet. I saw one of the faculty members coming towards me from the administrative building. She told me that my Dad had called. He said that my Mom was covered in soot but was ok and they would call later. I was so relieved I started to cry. That was all I could do. I couldn't speak and I turned to see my sister and two friend's and I held my thumb up as a sign that everything was ok.

We watched the news for the rest of the day and waited for our parents to call.



A few years later I went into the city on the anniversary of 9/11 with my Mom and Uncle. I had been back to the sight of the towers but never on the actual day. I wanted to see the towers of light. When it finally got dark enough and we could see the towers of light we could see little twinkling spots in the lights. As we walked closer we wondered what they were. They looked like stars twinkling or maybe balloons floating up the towers reflecting the lights. We thought maybe they had been let go in memory of the over 2000 killed, it certainly looked like there were 2000 little stars in the beams traveling up them. We kept watching them and trying to guess what they really were. We never would have come up with the actual answer. They were bugs and birds attracted to the light, perhaps, natures own memorial to the lost.

A few years later Meg and I went into the city on 9/11 again. This time Meg wanted to see the towers. We walked around down town and then went to midtown by Bryant park. In Bryant park there was a type writer set up for people to type anything: thoughts, memories. messages to others. Meg thinks they were collected and put in a museum somewhere. I typed something but I don't remember what. It was nice to type on the old style type writer and watch each letter stamped on to the page.

A couple of years ago I saw a painting in a store and bought it for my Mom. It was a picture of the towers (really the sky line) with a low orange light in the sky and above it a blue sky. It made me think of her and I thought she would like it.

One year we also went to the field in Shanksville, PA where flight 93 was taken down. For me it felt completely different then Ground Zero. It made me feel peaceful. It was a very solemn place and beautiful. I think part of the difference is because the people on the plane re-took control.



It is hard to understand the emotion felt by that day and the days following. The attack was felt throughout the country, differently by everyone. I have tried very hard to understand my feelings and emotions. I was lucky. I knew I was lucky. My Mom had been there and was home safe. A lot of people were not so lucky. I was 250 miles away in NH watching the news. It was year's later when I learned the term for what I was feeling. It is survivor's guilt. Because I wasn't there and my Mom was. And she got home safely and so many people weren't so lucky and I felt guilty that I was happy because I was so lucky. I still do when I think about that day. And I know I am not alone.

I will never forget this day. I will never forget the fear and confusion. I will never forget watching the news and wondering about the people- fathers, husbands, brothers, sons, friends, daughters, sisters, wives, mothers- inside those buildings struggling to get out or on those planes and the family members waiting for word from them.

Tomorrow I hope everyone takes a moment to think about what is important in life. I know I will.

Meg and I really love our cats

Meet Napoli, Roma, and Tipperary!

After driving 16 hours down to Tennessee we did what anyone would do. We dropped off the cats in the  safe enclosed location of the master bathroom, since they had to get used to very new home. And then we went to Lowe's to buy some supplies to build what would hopefully be a truly awesome cat scratch post.

14 foot board of wood

12 inch wide tube

10 inch wide tube

10 feet of 3 inch pvc pipe
4 feet of 4 inch pvc pipe

10x12 foot carpet

That is what it all looked like laid out on my back porch. The first step was to carpet all the pieces so the cats can scratch to their little hearts delight. You see I have really nice paneling in one of my rooms and Napoli has a habit of stretching and running his paws/claws along walls. They need some place to use and sharpen their claws, it is natural and cats will do what cats do! I can't say if it took longer or shorter than I thought to carpet everything because I really don't think I had any appropriate way of estimating the time. I do know it was pretty easy and went well.

This was basically where we stopped for the night. It was fully carpeted and we worked out some final details in the design At this point it was late and we wanted to check on the cats who were still locked in the master bathroom. When we opened the door to the bathroom Napoli came to the door and so did Tipperary. But poor Roma was hanging out in the shower and he didn't budge. We pet each of them and then went into the bedroom, leaving the door open so they could slowly start exploring from bathroom to bedroom. The door to the hall was still closed so we could keep them contained. Well at some point Nap and Tip came into the bedroom but Roma stayed in the shower. In the morning I tried to carry him from the bathroom into the bedroom but he freaked out and I put him back down in the bathroom. We left the bedroom leaving all three of them locked in the master suite since the cat scratch wasn't finished yet.
It didn't take too long that morning to complete the structure. And then we took our time adding some toys for detail and catnip! We were very pleased with the finished product.

Now the cats are adjusting to their new home, some better than others.

Napoli AKA Crazy Man (can you guess why?) has surprised us by being the most well adjusted kitty.

He was the first one out of the master bedroom and quickly began exploring. So far he seems to really enjoy playing on his cat scratch.

After I had been on the road for about 45 minutes Meg called me because she couldn't find Tip. I knew she couldn't have gone anywhere and figured she was hidden among boxes. Meg found her an hour later sleeping under my sleeping bag. See if you can find her.

Since then she has started venturing out and exploring the house.

Poor Roma has been having the hardest time of all three. As I said before he freaked out when I tried to carry him out of the bathroom. He also didn't start venturing out of the master suite until almost Saturday morning. Apparently he has a fear of light fixtures. In our old house the ceiling fans blend into the ceiling and we have higher ceilings. Every once in awhile he would randomly run around but we figured that was him being a cat. In TN I have light fixtures in every room. Meg looked it up he probably thinks it is some kind of bird of prey lurking on the ceiling, this is why he freaked out when I carried him into the bedroom. It will take time but he is adjusting to his new surroundings. At least now when he freaks out after looking up we will know why! For now he just keeps a watchful eye.

The next big step in this move is September 6th when I drive down to TN with Schultzy.

She's gone country

Well this move is getting serious. Last week I drove with Meghan down to Tennessee so she can start her new life down there. Her job transfer took less time then we expected so she got to move early. She took our three cats- Tipperary, Roma, and Napoli. I have to say I wasn't looking forward to a 16 hour drive with three cats but it actually went pretty well. The week before we were leaving I stopped by the vet's office and asked if they had any recommendations for me on the road. They gave us some treats for the cats that would calm them and told us to cover the carriers with a blanket and they would go to sleep. I don't know if the cats really slept much but they did seem somewhat relaxed.

We drove down in a brand new Ford C-max hybrid and, I gotta say, it was great. We drove over 900 miles and spent only $70 on gas. Throughout the trip we averaged anywhere from 38-50 miles per gallon. So go Ford!

It's going to be strange. We have never been separated very long or by very far. We were six minutes apart entering this world and from that moment on we have pretty much always been together. Six minutes doesn't sound like very much but sometimes it can feel like a lot. I mean big sister/little sister may seem trivial with such a small time frame but there have been a few times when I have been keenly aware of the 'gap'.

1. On September 11th when we were five hours away from our home in college in New Hampshire and I first heard the news I immediately went looking for Meghan.
2. When Meghan was a pedestrian in a car accident and spent almost a month in the hospital.
3. Last week as I drove away from my house in TN leaving her over 900 miles away.

The last time and longest time we have ever been separate was when Meg was in the hospital after the car accident. Other than that we have always been together. We finish each other's sentences. We have stories we tell at this point we don't actually remember which of us they happened to. We even have freaky stories about shared dreams and other twin connection type stories.  It's going to be weird and I will have to learn to start talking in the singular.

Hoping for 6 o'clock

Cross another item off my 'things to do before leaving New York' list.

On Sunday Meg and I went out to Montauk (The End) of Long Island to go whale watching. We left my house at 5am in order to be sure we were at the boat an hour before it was scheduled to leave. Since we made good time we stopped at Gosman's dock before heading to Montauk harbor. When we were younger we would climb out to the very end of the jetty. I remembered it being much more of a climb when I was younger. At one point we came up to a big gap in the rocks where one of them had been dislodged and rolled to the side, I wonder if that happened during Sandy? Here is the panorama view from the end of the jetty.

When I was little my parents took Meg and me whale watching on the Viking Fleet out of Montauk so naturally that was the fleet I looked up for my trip last weekend. In an earlier blog post I mentioned the Viking ship hat which I still have. We ended up taking the Viking Starship which I believe is the same boat we went on last year when we went for a late night fishing trip. On board the ship with us were several members from Coastal Research and Education Society of Long Island (CRESLI). Our announcer, Artie, was not only informative but also entertaining. I don't know if CRESLI has a partnership with other local boats but I think they made a great difference in our enjoyment of the trip. They helped spot and identify the different animals and provided information about the animals in a way that kept us engaged the entire time. Here is their url in case you want to learn more about the organization:
http://www.cresli.org/

Meg and I positioned ourselves at the back of the boat. It was a bit annoying being right over the propellers but it gave us space and a view of the back and both sides of the boat. Everyone else climbed up to the second deck or crowded in the front. Artie gave the locations of the animals based on the hands of a clock. The front of the boat was 12 o'clock the sides were 3 and 9 and the back was 6.

The first animal we saw was a loggerhead turtle, which Artie described as looking like a tire floating in the water. Here is some video I captured of the sea turtle which shows that is a pretty accurate description. I apologize for how shaky the video is I was having a hard time keeping it still.

We also saw two different humpback whales. The first had a white and black tail and the second one had an all black tail. The underside of the tail is like a finger print and is used to identify the different animals.

And finally to end the trip we had a most amazing experience. When I say the entire boat was surrounded by dolphins I am not exaggerating. Every direction I turned in there were pods of five to ten dolphins. It was breathtaking. Left, right, behind the boat, in front of the boat and under the boat everywhere you looked they were swimming and jumping in the waves.

I had been seeing reports of the trips seeing 200 and 300 dolphins and I kind of laughed at it. But now I have to honestly say it was not an exaggeration. It was also the perfect good bye to a part of NY I have always loved.