Be Prepared

I think I am getting to the point where I can consider myself very experienced in long drives. The crowning achievement was a 14 state and 4k mile sojourn a few years ago across a good chunk of the south.

I have also driven the 1k miles to TN multiple multiple times now and done it in all kinds of weather. So here are some things I like to keep in my truck for long drives and bad weather.

1. Jumper cables have served me well! A couple of times I have had to jump my car and a couple of times I have jumped other people's cars. It's easy to do and a good skill especially on long drives.

2. A tire inflator that I just got less than a year ago but I thought it made a great addition to my emergency supplies. I haven't had to use this on a drive but I have used it just to give a quick shot of air to my tires. It works pretty quickly and the cord can plug into the cigarette lighter or a regular house plug.

3. A small auto shovel in case of snow. You know in case I turn a corner and get stuck a couple of quick shovels and I can work my way out.

4. I am surprised by the amount of people that live in the north east and need a new brush to clean their car every year or just drive around without one. Why?

5. An emergency blanket in case I get to stuck to get myself out and I am looking at an extended sty in my car :-) Thankfully hasn't been used.

6. Not pictured is a Hagstrom map of the USA. Because sometimes gps signals can get lost.

Internet Behavior: Why?

In my opinion there are three trends/phenomena of human nature that I think help to understand (not explain) the worsening behavior by many people online. We have all seen it ..... you go online to read a message board, article, blog, or social media feed and you see it immediately: nastiness and negativity that would not be tolerated in normal every day interaction. So how is it that we can behave ourselves at work and other situation and then we come online and become rude crass monsters? Because I have to assume a lot of people do not behave in real life the way they do online. They can't.

1.
In-group Preference
In South Pacific Emile De Becque so eloquently sang:

You've got to be taught before it's too late,

Before you are six or seven or eight,

To hate all the people your relatives hate,

You've got to be carefully taught!

But I don't know that you really do have to be so carefully taught. I think instead it comes naturally to humans to dislike/mistrust. Rather it is more likely you have to be taught not to hate. Studies have shown that babies and toddlers have a built in preference for in-group people. It's not mean; it's really just self preservation. Show a toddler two dolls (puppets). Have one puppet announce it likes cookies and another announce it likes spinach. Later bring out the same two puppets and the toddler will choose (most of the time) to play with the puppet it identifies with the most. Now this preference doesn't equal hating the other group but it can. That's what socializing is for, it teaches us to trust and realize we should not limit ourselves to the group.

2.
Negativity Bias
I'm sure that our negativity bias has roots in evolution. We remember negative events more clearly and they are easier to recall, probably so that developing humans could remember the different perils faced while hunting and gathering. Studies have shown that we remember negative experiences/feedback four times stronger than positive or neutral events. Neurological findings show that negative experiences are held in awareness longer and imprinted onto long term memory faster than positive.

As children we are told to be nice to each other and that becomes a standard then all of a sudden you reach high school and the idea of critical thinking is introduced. Now you can be mean! You actually have permission to be mean. Because if you say something nice you are being childish and just following what you were taught to do as children after all if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all, right? So under the guise of critical thinking you can say anything. We even begin to give more weight to negative remarks and view those who give negative feedback as smarter. Somehow it seems more important when people are negative. We hear 'critical thinking' and focus on critical as in being disapproving instead of as in analyzing. We remember the negative criticism more strongly so it must have been more important, the details are clearer in our minds. That helps to explain a tendency to be negative but I'm not just talking about being negative I am talking about being down right rude. Negative comments have their place, we learn from them. But negative after negative and insults we see thrown around like nothing goes beyond anything that will teach a valuable lesson.

3.
Anonymity
On many internet sites people have pseudo names protecting their identity. This gives them the sense that they can say anything they want in total safety. Even on sites like facebook where they do use their real name there is still a freedom to say anything because chances are you will never see/meet the person. Also there is a feeling that the people we are talking to aren't real. After all they are faceless unknowns not real people who we know.

On the internet you are your own in-group, all alone with just a computer. So you find yourself online talking with strangers, not members of your group. You want to sound smart and you want to make an impression. So the negative comments start. After all no one is ever going to see you or know who you are. Behind that keyboard you are safe to be as smart as you want. Not only do negative comments prove that you have 'critical thinking' skills but people will remember them better. You know this from your own experiences (no doubt). And the person who you are commenting too, who are they? They are a faceless person they might as well not even be real. In fact in one internet bullying case on the news that was exactly the sentiment of the aggressors. It was all said online. That isn't even real. But it is real. It is very real. And the behavior exhibited online is now spreading beyond the internet.

I wonder why is it that some need to see a face and hear a name to care about others. Why can't knowing they are another person with thoughts, feelings, friends, and family be enough for us? Maybe before we post online we should ask ourselves: "would I say this if I were looking this person in the face?" because if the answer is no then you shouldn't say it online.

This brings me to a question that I have found myself asking over an over: is our connection to others so fragile?

Home Improvements! (part 1 of many)

So my New Year's vacation at my house was very productive, I got a lot of decorating/repairs done.

First the decorating!

The first order of business was getting curtains for the dining and living room.

I got two red and cream and two cream curtains. The cream matches the carpet and walls and the red ties into the kitchen so I thought that would help keep the flow of the rooms. The red and cream are on the outside windows with the cream in the corner. My Mom and I discussed whether to alternate or do it this way. I think this worked nicely. It blocks some light from coming in, provides privacy, and helps to keep the hot air in the house (instead of escaping through the glass windows).

I moved the table a little closer to the kitchen and my plan is to put a couch across the room, at the end of area rug under my table,  and get a flat screen tv to mount above the fireplace. While we were there I sat on the floor where I would put the couch to make sure the tv wouldn't be to high. It seemed good to me. This way I will be able to see the tv from the kitchen. Then I think a nice two seater on the right side and an arm chair between the window and the corner.

Now for the large patio door and the side door I got a sheer red curtain. The rails at the top and bottom are magnetic which is nice because it means no holes in the door.

In order to keep them pinched at the center we bought napkin holders. They are silver with clear rings on them and will look very nice with the silver hardware of the doors.

The final bit of decorating was adding some storage to the downstairs bathroom. I went to the store thinking we were going to get a cabinet to stand over the toilet but then I saw a storage piece meant to fit around a pedestal sink.

Now to the repairs:
I mean some of it was pretty simple, like changing the batteries of every smoke detector so that they stop beeping and, you know . . . .work!

Also I found where the chime for the doorbell was and looked at it to see why that wasn't working. That also ended up being a simple fix of changing a battery.

I also changed a couple of lightbulbs to get my porch lights shining bright.

I was pleased to find that hooking up the water supply line for my fridge was much easier then I originally thought it would be. Thanks to the supply line having rubber washers in it I didn't even need to worry about plumbing tape.

Simple as it was it made me very happy to do this on my own.

Now when I bought the house the bank changed all the locks. I knew I was going to change them myself because they are brass and I prefer nickel. I also prefer handles over door knobs. However I thought they needed to be changed sooner rather than later because they are pretty crummy. One of the knobs broke while I was there. Luckily a few years ago at work I had to reset several door lock displays. As a result I know how to change locks. I changed two handles and a deadbolt. I have three handles and three deadbolts left to change. So when I am done it will be nine locks in total which saves me having to pay a locksmith!

my handiwork!

Now I am back to planning things to do :-)

Family, Friends, and the New Year

Well the drive on Friday was one of the smoothest we have had in a long time. In anticipation of possible bad weather we packed the truck to avoid all extra wind resistance. I know I have done this drive a lot of times especially when I recognize truck stops, Denny's, Pilots, and other gas stations along the way. I found myself several times pulling in and saying "Oh I've been here". Also without the wind resistance of the last few trips we didn't use nearly as much gas. We got to TN Friday around 5pm which was just in time to unpack the car and have a nice dinner. Then we got to open Christmas presents with Meghan whom we hadn't seen in almost two months.

On Saturday morning we got up and headed to the store to do some shopping. We planned on having dinner that night with my Uncle and his family and another local family. In total there were eleven of us which definitely makes this the first large party at my house :-) In my honest opinion everything came out awesome. We had some pasta in a marinara sauce, spinach in oil and garlic, potato pizza (mashed potato with mozzarella cheese baked as a pie), artichokes and eggs, chicken cutlets, macaroni and cheese, and a nice salad. For dessert we had pfeffernüsse "pepper nuts" which are german spice cookies baked by Meghan and Panatone which is an an Italian cake with pieces of dried fruit in it.

On Sunday we headed to Atlanta to meet up with family from my Dad's side in what we have named "Not- Christmas" so far it looks like we are going to have a nice tradition of Not- Christmases which will always fall on the weekend after Christmas. We brought a baked rigatoni and cheesecake with us to the party which we had made the day before. The drive was about four and a half hours and is pretty easy consisting of mainly two highways. We only hit traffic when we got right up to Atlanta and two highways (75 and 85 I believe) began merging. When we got to the house there was family galore, some we hadn't seen in years. We hung out talked and caught up with each other for hours before heading back to TN.

On Tuesday we started cooking for New Year's Eve. Now Italian's (and probably a lot of other cultures) believe meat should not be eaten on New Year's Eve. The reason, as my Mom explained, is that you eat fish because fish come from the ocean (water) and is cleansing so that you wash away the bad from the year before and start out fresh. We had linguine in a red pepper, clam and lobster tail sauce, potato pizza, fried artichoke hearts, fried cauliflower, rice balls with cheese, crab cakes, black-eyed-pea patties, fried shrimp, fried scallops, tilapia, cold broccoli salad with lemon and garlic, gardineir and a regular green salad. The very full table looked something like this:

After eating and resting we moved the party from my house to Mom's condo which is outside down town Nashville. There we counted down the last hour of 2013 and waited for the fireworks from the Bash downtown. When we arrived we discovered my Uncle's family had slipped in at some point and set up balloons, and noise makers, poppers and party hats! Then the final seconds ticked away and the fireworks began!

After the fireworks we had a toast to the New Year with Osti Spumanti or sparkling grape juice. And then after some cards we had Italian lemon cake and coffee before heading back out onto the streets and to my house.

The next morning we popped another bottle of Osti for breakfast mimosas and panatone.

The night before I had written 2014 Nashville, TN on the cork in my Mom's condo and left it there for my Mom. On New Year's Day I did the same on the breakfast bottle and will keep it as a momento of my first New Year's in my house.

Basically my Mom put it best on Saturday when she said "It's nice to know we are moving here and we have friends and family already."

I believe in Santa Claus

When my sister and I were children my parents went to great lengths to keep us believing in Santa Claus. It helped that we never found where my parents hid the presents so literally they did appear magically every Christmas.

One year when they began to suspect we were doubting the possibility of Santa they staged a photo of my Mom and Santa. They they took a plastic candy cane cup and lined it with white paper (making it look like it was a glass of milk). They hung the cup like an ornament from the tree so it appeared to be floating in mid air. My Mom then posed next to the floating cup in front of the Christmas tree and my Dad took some pictures. Mission success! We couldn't argue with the photo proof and had no other way to explain a floating cup.

Later we were finally getting to the point where we could manage to stay up all night. And what better night to test that wonderful new ability then Christmas Eve. So we settled in the hall upstairs and watched down the stairs at the tree. A few hours went by and I fell asleep. Meg was more successful and managed to stay up all night until my parents came yelling in to the living room telling us to get up right now and come down stairs. They said we were going out to get breakfast and we had really done it. Santa Claus wasn't coming there would be no gifts under the tree. Maybe if we were lucky Santa Claus would come back while we were at breakfast. Well I spent the car ride and the breakfast literally praying to Santa Claus to bring Meg's presents because it was my idea and she only stayed up all night because I wanted too. Apparently Meg spent the whole car ride and breakfast thinking Santa Claus should bring my presents since she after all was able to stay awake and I had gone to sleep. We got home to find all our presents neatly wrapped and under the tree. Magic!

Eventually one day when talking with my Mom we told her we obviously no longer believed in Santa Claus. She said she knew but my Dad would be sad.

However it wasn't true that we didn't believe in Santa Claus. Sure we no longer believed in the magical man that flew around the world at night popping down chimney's and leaving presents. But we believed in the love of giving that Santa Claus embodied. We believed in the expression of love and good will to all. So we didn't believe in the person but we believed in the spirit. Why did my parents fight so hard to keep us believing in Santa Claus? Their Christmas could have been a lot cheaper if when we first showed doubts they acknowledged the story and moved on. But there was a sense of magic that they didn't want to give up yet. And what that taught Meg and I was the joy of giving. Because when we were little we certainly knew about the joy of receiving. That came easy. But when we look back now we can appreciate the work and sacrifice our parents did all to see us happy. And that is the point of Santa Claus when you become an adult.

The children all snug in their beds with visions of sugar plums dancing in their heads are eagerly anticipating the wonderful gifts. The parents are eagerly anticipating the joy of their children when they receive the gifts. And surely that is the spirit of Santa Claus. I remember the joy of seeing presents under the Christmas tree: some for Meghan, some for me, and some labelled for both to share. I remember sitting in the living room surrounded by ripped open wrapping paper and toys and books and being so incredibly happy. Now as an adult I want to make other people feel that way. So now when I think of Christmas I remember the joy I felt receiving and I look forward to the joy I will feel giving, watching others receive. When I get presents for Meg or my Mom or other family members and friends it is with the great anticipation of how happy they will be when they get these gifts. How will they use them, play with them, read them, or enjoy them? I was very excited the first time I bought gifts for family and friends with my own money (instead of just signing my name to a gift my parents had bought) because it was my own gift. I find the joy in giving, I like to give, and I wish I could give more.

Christmas is a time of celebration of love, life, family, and friends. And so raise a glass and toast the spirit of Christmas.

Merry Christmas!

A thought on what Religious Tolerance means to me

Back in 2008 a movie came to theaters called The Boy in The Striped Pajamas. It was about two young boys in WWII Germany. One was the son of a high ranking German officer and the other boy was a prisoner in a concentration camp. The movie is simple and beautiful.

My sister, mom, and I went to see it in the theater. There weren't many people at the theater. Other than the three of us there was maybe only five or six other people. We watched in silence as the story unfolded. At the end we stayed for the credits letting it sink in. Another group of three also stayed for the credits. As the credits ended we all got up but then kind of lingered in an aisle for a moment and talked about the movie. Then as we were leaving we wished them a Merry Christmas and they wished us a Happy Hanukkah. We all said thank you and were grateful for the good wishes as we continued out into the night.

They were not offended by our greeting and we were not offended by their greeting. To me that is religious tolerance. Not pretending different religions don't exist and never mentioning them. And to those claiming that a wish of Merry Christmas is forcing my views on you . . . it isn't. If you don't believe in Christmas or the meaning behind it then all I am saying to you is to have a nice December 25th. And I won't apologize for it and I won't take it back. Just like if someone wishes me a happy Jewish, Muslim, or any other religious holiday I won't feel forced or compelled to believe their beliefs.

But I will feel grateful that they took the moment to wish me well.

A trip to Dyker Heights Brooklyn.

I remember when we were young driving into Brooklyn and seeing these amazing beautiful homes decorated with life sized figurines all celebrating Christmas. I remember bits and pieces but my favorite house had life sized figures dressed in tuxedos and fancy dresses as guests at a Christmas party. Other houses had full sized choral singers and toy soldiers and just a wonderful array of lights. Some houses were subdued and classy others were over the top and eye grabbing.

So yesterday when I picked up my Mom from the train station I asked if she would like to take a drive back to Dyker Heights, since this is our last Christmas in NY, and see how the decorations have changed or if they are still the same. She was game so we went home and relaxed for a bit to allow traffic to finish clearing from the commute before we drove in.

Here are some of the highlights from our trip:

This stunning brick home had a giant Nutcracker guarding the front door as snow flakes dotted the building.

In this house Santa Claus looks out from the upstairs window as people walk and drive by enjoying the sights.

Speaking of Santa here he is climbing a ladder up to the roof top of the house on the corner of 86th and 13th avenue (I think)

For the next house I had to pull over and get out to get a picture. In their front yard was a light up pond complete with penguins and swans.  :-)

Here are some of the life sized figures that captured my attention as a child: toy soldiers guard this front door lit up beautifully by classic white light lined garland.

This house not only had toy soldiers but angels playing trumpets.

Here was a simply decorated house using lights to mimic garland and red bows. While strings of white lights brought out the architecture of not only the house but the multi-tiered yard.

I took a  picture of this house because the front nativity and the figures on the porch are the old fashioned plastic lawn decorations that I love. I prefer them over the new blow up decorations, probably because they remind me of when I was little and everyone had them.

This house is a Christmas wonderland with a giant Nutcracker, toy soldiers, an angel choir, angels playing trumpets, and two happy snowman.

There were so many different houses some that pictures would not do justice like this next house with a carousel, spinning toy soldier, and Christmas music.

Then I took video of several houses as I drove by to show all the figures lining the fences.

It was a nice night filled with holiday cheer. Lots of people lined the sidewalks looking down block after block of decorations.

Thank you to the people of Dyker Heights who probably have as much fun with this as the people who enjoy their displays.

Merry Christmas!