Thursday, January 30, 2014

Internet Behavior: Why?

In my opinion there are three trends/phenomena of human nature that I think help to understand (not explain) the worsening behavior by many people online. We have all seen it ..... you go online to read a message board, article, blog, or social media feed and you see it immediately: nastiness and negativity that would not be tolerated in normal every day interaction. So how is it that we can behave ourselves at work and other situation and then we come online and become rude crass monsters? Because I have to assume a lot of people do not behave in real life the way they do online. They can't.

1.
In-group Preference
In South Pacific Emile De Becque so eloquently sang:

You've got to be taught before it's too late,
Before you are six or seven or eight,
To hate all the people your relatives hate,
You've got to be carefully taught!

But I don't know that you really do have to be so carefully taught. I think instead it comes naturally to humans to dislike/mistrust. Rather it is more likely you have to be taught not to hate. Studies have shown that babies and toddlers have a built in preference for in-group people. It's not mean; it's really just self preservation. Show a toddler two dolls (puppets). Have one puppet announce it likes cookies and another announce it likes spinach. Later bring out the same two puppets and the toddler will choose (most of the time) to play with the puppet it identifies with the most. Now this preference doesn't equal hating the other group but it can. That's what socializing is for, it teaches us to trust and realize we should not limit ourselves to the group.

2.
Negativity Bias
I'm sure that our negativity bias has roots in evolution. We remember negative events more clearly and they are easier to recall, probably so that developing humans could remember the different perils faced while hunting and gathering. Studies have shown that we remember negative experiences/feedback four times stronger than positive or neutral events. Neurological findings show that negative experiences are held in awareness longer and imprinted onto long term memory faster than positive.

As children we are told to be nice to each other and that becomes a standard then all of a sudden you reach high school and the idea of critical thinking is introduced. Now you can be mean! You actually have permission to be mean. Because if you say something nice you are being childish and just following what you were taught to do as children after all if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all, right? So under the guise of critical thinking you can say anything. We even begin to give more weight to negative remarks and view those who give negative feedback as smarter. Somehow it seems more important when people are negative. We hear 'critical thinking' and focus on critical as in being disapproving instead of as in analyzing. We remember the negative criticism more strongly so it must have been more important, the details are clearer in our minds. That helps to explain a tendency to be negative but I'm not just talking about being negative I am talking about being down right rude. Negative comments have their place, we learn from them. But negative after negative and insults we see thrown around like nothing goes beyond anything that will teach a valuable lesson.

3.
Anonymity
On many internet sites people have pseudo names protecting their identity. This gives them the sense that they can say anything they want in total safety. Even on sites like facebook where they do use their real name there is still a freedom to say anything because chances are you will never see/meet the person. Also there is a feeling that the people we are talking to aren't real. After all they are faceless unknowns not real people who we know.

On the internet you are your own in-group, all alone with just a computer. So you find yourself online talking with strangers, not members of your group. You want to sound smart and you want to make an impression. So the negative comments start. After all no one is ever going to see you or know who you are. Behind that keyboard you are safe to be as smart as you want. Not only do negative comments prove that you have 'critical thinking' skills but people will remember them better. You know this from your own experiences (no doubt). And the person who you are commenting too, who are they? They are a faceless person they might as well not even be real. In fact in one internet bullying case on the news that was exactly the sentiment of the aggressors. It was all said online. That isn't even real. But it is real. It is very real. And the behavior exhibited online is now spreading beyond the internet.

I wonder why is it that some need to see a face and hear a name to care about others. Why can't knowing they are another person with thoughts, feelings, friends, and family be enough for us? Maybe before we post online we should ask ourselves: "would I say this if I were looking this person in the face?" because if the answer is no then you shouldn't say it online.

This brings me to a question that I have found myself asking over an over: is our connection to others so fragile?

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Home Improvements! (part 1 of many)

So my New Year's vacation at my house was very productive, I got a lot of decorating/repairs done.

First the decorating!

The first order of business was getting curtains for the dining and living room.




















I got two red and cream and two cream curtains. The cream matches the carpet and walls and the red ties into the kitchen so I thought that would help keep the flow of the rooms. The red and cream are on the outside windows with the cream in the corner. My Mom and I discussed whether to alternate or do it this way. I think this worked nicely. It blocks some light from coming in, provides privacy, and helps to keep the hot air in the house (instead of escaping through the glass windows).

I moved the table a little closer to the kitchen and my plan is to put a couch across the room, at the end of area rug under my table,  and get a flat screen tv to mount above the fireplace. While we were there I sat on the floor where I would put the couch to make sure the tv wouldn't be to high. It seemed good to me. This way I will be able to see the tv from the kitchen. Then I think a nice two seater on the right side and an arm chair between the window and the corner.

Now for the large patio door and the side door I got a sheer red curtain. The rails at the top and bottom are magnetic which is nice because it means no holes in the door.


In order to keep them pinched at the center we bought napkin holders. They are silver with clear rings on them and will look very nice with the silver hardware of the doors.

The final bit of decorating was adding some storage to the downstairs bathroom. I went to the store thinking we were going to get a cabinet to stand over the toilet but then I saw a storage piece meant to fit around a pedestal sink.


Now to the repairs:
I mean some of it was pretty simple, like changing the batteries of every smoke detector so that they stop beeping and, you know . . . .work!

Also I found where the chime for the doorbell was and looked at it to see why that wasn't working. That also ended up being a simple fix of changing a battery.

I also changed a couple of lightbulbs to get my porch lights shining bright.

I was pleased to find that hooking up the water supply line for my fridge was much easier then I originally thought it would be. Thanks to the supply line having rubber washers in it I didn't even need to worry about plumbing tape.



Simple as it was it made me very happy to do this on my own.

Now when I bought the house the bank changed all the locks. I knew I was going to change them myself because they are brass and I prefer nickel. I also prefer handles over door knobs. However I thought they needed to be changed sooner rather than later because they are pretty crummy. One of the knobs broke while I was there. Luckily a few years ago at work I had to reset several door lock displays. As a result I know how to change locks. I changed two handles and a deadbolt. I have three handles and three deadbolts left to change. So when I am done it will be nine locks in total which saves me having to pay a locksmith!
my handiwork!

Now I am back to planning things to do :-)


Saturday, January 4, 2014

Family, Friends, and the New Year

Well the drive on Friday was one of the smoothest we have had in a long time. In anticipation of possible bad weather we packed the truck to avoid all extra wind resistance. I know I have done this drive a lot of times especially when I recognize truck stops, Denny's, Pilots, and other gas stations along the way. I found myself several times pulling in and saying "Oh I've been here". Also without the wind resistance of the last few trips we didn't use nearly as much gas. We got to TN Friday around 5pm which was just in time to unpack the car and have a nice dinner. Then we got to open Christmas presents with Meghan whom we hadn't seen in almost two months.

On Saturday morning we got up and headed to the store to do some shopping. We planned on having dinner that night with my Uncle and his family and another local family. In total there were eleven of us which definitely makes this the first large party at my house :-) In my honest opinion everything came out awesome. We had some pasta in a marinara sauce, spinach in oil and garlic, potato pizza (mashed potato with mozzarella cheese baked as a pie), artichokes and eggs, chicken cutlets, macaroni and cheese, and a nice salad. For dessert we had pfeffernüsse "pepper nuts" which are german spice cookies baked by Meghan and Panatone which is an an Italian cake with pieces of dried fruit in it.

On Sunday we headed to Atlanta to meet up with family from my Dad's side in what we have named "Not- Christmas" so far it looks like we are going to have a nice tradition of Not- Christmases which will always fall on the weekend after Christmas. We brought a baked rigatoni and cheesecake with us to the party which we had made the day before. The drive was about four and a half hours and is pretty easy consisting of mainly two highways. We only hit traffic when we got right up to Atlanta and two highways (75 and 85 I believe) began merging. When we got to the house there was family galore, some we hadn't seen in years. We hung out talked and caught up with each other for hours before heading back to TN.

On Tuesday we started cooking for New Year's Eve. Now Italian's (and probably a lot of other cultures) believe meat should not be eaten on New Year's Eve. The reason, as my Mom explained, is that you eat fish because fish come from the ocean (water) and is cleansing so that you wash away the bad from the year before and start out fresh. We had linguine in a red pepper, clam and lobster tail sauce, potato pizza, fried artichoke hearts, fried cauliflower, rice balls with cheese, crab cakes, black-eyed-pea patties, fried shrimp, fried scallops, tilapia, cold broccoli salad with lemon and garlic, gardineir and a regular green salad. The very full table looked something like this:


After eating and resting we moved the party from my house to Mom's condo which is outside down town Nashville. There we counted down the last hour of 2013 and waited for the fireworks from the Bash downtown. When we arrived we discovered my Uncle's family had slipped in at some point and set up balloons, and noise makers, poppers and party hats! Then the final seconds ticked away and the fireworks began!


After the fireworks we had a toast to the New Year with Osti Spumanti or sparkling grape juice. And then after some cards we had Italian lemon cake and coffee before heading back out onto the streets and to my house.

The next morning we popped another bottle of Osti for breakfast mimosas and panatone.


The night before I had written 2014 Nashville, TN on the cork in my Mom's condo and left it there for my Mom. On New Year's Day I did the same on the breakfast bottle and will keep it as a momento of my first New Year's in my house.



Basically my Mom put it best on Saturday when she said "It's nice to know we are moving here and we have friends and family already."